Do’s & Don’ts of Depression

As this week is depression awareness week and as most of you will know it's something I have suffered with quite badly during my life I thought a blog post dedicated to this topic would be my way of helping to raise awareness of this illness. 

Depression is pretty common these days, but as a result I like to think we are more open and honest about it than ever before.  Yet every day people are suffering alone, often in shame and without the help they need.

There are however lots of things we can all do to help ourselves and each other and here's some of my top tips below…

How not to support someone with depression:

1. Please never ever say ‘chin-up’ or ‘pull yourself together’!  Not only does this not help, but it very likely the recipient of the comment might want to smack you in the mouth for saying it!
2. Never suggest that they have nothing to be depressed about.  They already feel like no one understands, and this would just be the icing on the cake.  They don’t need to hear this.
3. Don’t ignore your suspicion that someone you know is suffering from depression.  They will need someone to talk to, even if it’s only to make sure they don’t feel alone.
4. Don’t judge them.  They are doing enough of that themselves.
5. Tough love never works, it only serves to make them feel more crappy and more alone.
6. Never laugh or make fun of their feelings or behaviour.
7. If they open up to you, don’t trivialize what they tell you.
8. Don’t think that just because they have a ‘good’ day that the depression has gone away and don’t bring to much attention to ‘how much better they seem’ until there appears to be a more permanent change.

How to support someone with depression:

1. Simply listen.
2. Check in on them regularly, even if it’s only a text or a short email to say hi.  Even if they are not ready to talk, they need to know they have people that actually care about them.
3. Make yourself available to them if they wish to talk or just be around others.
4. Encourage (but do not push) self-care practices.  By this I mean, pampering sessions, getting out in nature, getting creative, doing things they love, spending time with pets, taking time out just for themselves and eating well.
5. Offer to cook a healthy meal or two for them.  Often depression is made worse by a poor level of nutrients in what we eat, which is made worse again when we feel too depressed to be bothered about what we eat.
6. Try to understand that it’s likely they feel pretty crappy about themselves and their life, so support rather than badgering is advised.
7. Encourage them to seek help, if not from a doctor then from a therapist of some description.
8. Let them know they are loved and cared for often.
9. Understand that if the depression is bad, they may have trouble attending appointments or doing shopping etc.  Offering support in these circumstances will really help.
10. Never let them think you have given up on them, even if you have to take a back seat for a while for your own sanity. Explain this to them.  Explain that you still care for them, and are there if they need you.
11. If they are using alcohol, drugs or stimulants of any sort, it’s probably because this makes them feel better, albeit temporarily  This could be a slippery slope to addiction, so encourage them to seek help for their underlying depression before it gets any worse.
12. Let them see how truly amazing you think they are.  Allow them to see how much of a good friend or family member they are to you.  The nature of depression means that often think they are not, and that you have to keep ‘putting up with them’.
13. Understand that most pills, potions and treatments don’t work straight away, so give it time.  Remind them that treatments aren’t instant.  They may want to give up if things don’t work right away
14. If they allow them self to be used or abused by others, don’t judge them, but understand this is because they don’t feel worthy of anything else.
15. Help them to find things to laugh about and have fun with.
16. What you see of the depression will only ever be the tip of the ice-burgh, so please remember this when interacting with them, as they will more than lively be hiding much of how they are really feeling.

How I've supported myself:

1. I started to understand that nothing out there is going to fix what was in here.  I had to look inside if I wanted to be happy.
2. Listing what I was grateful for each day rather than what I felt was rubbish about me and my life.
3. Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) / Tapping.  This helped me deal with some deep seated stuff that was making me unhappy and also stopped me on many occasions for starting the depression cycle all over again.
4. Mindfulness and meditation.  Learning to live in the now, rather than in the past or future helped a huge amount.  Meditating in general helped me as it gave my busy brain some down time, which then started to filter through to more of my daily tasks, meaning I wasn’t constantly running over the same stuff in my mind.
5. I stopped trying to cover up how I was feeling and started talking and accepting that pretending I couldn’t hear my own internal voice was never going to fix things.
6. I started to reduce toxins from my life, both inside and out (including reducing toxic skin and home products).
7. I started eating a balanced and healthy diet (removing foods high on the GI index to help balance my adrenals and blood sugar levels).
8. I dealt with food intolerances and looked at ways to improve gut health through fermented foods and a healthier life-style all round.
9. I increased my consumption of all the B vitamins.
10. I used Bach Flower Remedies to deal with some of my thoughts and feelings.
11. I de-cluttered my life, which helped to de-clutter my mind.
12. I learned to stop seeing my own worth it what other people thought of me (or what I think they thought of me).
13. I stopped seeing my self worth in my processions or what I felt I should of achieved at this stage of my life.
14. I learned to respect and forgive myself.
15. I stopped watching so much TV, reading newspapers and deleted lots of repeat negative offenders from my social network pages.  Instead I decided to watch inspiring films and documentary’s, read all sorts of inspiring stories and surround myself with as many positive people as possible.
16. I started to ask myself what I could learn from what I’d been through and how I felt and how I could help others in similar situations.
17. Understanding that no one is perfect, but that we are all amazing begins in our own right.
18. Eventually learning self-care and self-love.
19. I started using Sandy Newbiggings Mind Detox/Heal the Hidden Cause and Embodying methods, which really helped to address some old traumas that were helping to keep me in a depressive cycle and stop fighting and start accepting myself on a much deeper level.

Here’s some relevant links:

Sandy Newbigging Mind Detox
Sandy Newbigging Mind Calm
EFT Universe Depression
The Mindfulness Association here
Glenn Harrold Guided Meditations
Mindfulness – Find Peace in a Frantic World, here

Of course what works for one person doesn’t necessary work for another, the above is just what worked for me and the people around me. Do you have any tips to share with others who might be struggling themselves or know someone that is?