I’ve been quiet on here recently and that’s because I have been going through a period of great heartache and change and one of the hardest periods of my life. I know however, that this period of great change (as with all perceived difficult times) brings with it great growth, great learning and great healing.
I was shocked to find out thought, that I haven’t been, being very kind to myself. I thought that because I have been throwing myself into the work (which I love), training for the Camino (which I start again next week and again, love) and creating a home I feel inspired to live and work in, that I was filling my days with nothing but goodness. However, what I have found is I’ve just been doing a whole lot of distracting, not very much listening (to myself), next to know accepting and no resting (apart from when meditating – which I have been using endlessly to keep my batteries charged up, rather than being my daily spiritual practice). – Naughty Faith!
I love what I do, I love my home, I love walking, I love meditating, I love the endless walks with the dogs, but what I haven’t loved recently is the inside of my head. Actually what’s inside my head has sucked! I’ve been working so hard at trying to fix, change and improve the outer and also the inner (with some of the mind detox methods I use), that I’ve forgotten that what I really needed to do was simply listen to myself! Really listen to what I needed!
And by listen, I mean making time to just ‘be’, to accept, to honor and to love who I am, where I am and who’s been part of this amazing journey I call my life.
For so long now I’ve thought I always had to be the strong one, always holding it together, always helping others out, always being and doing more. But, what I see now is a need to be vulnerable, kind and accepting. In this place of just allowing I am learning to listen once more, I am learning to move through this time with more grace that I ever thought possible and I am learning to be real. Really real!
I know the importance of being kind, having recovered from ME/CFS, this is a biggy on that journey! But, I have been feeling I needed to move through this time quickly, learn from it quickly, not allow it to suck me under again (a familiar and not welcome place) move on from it and then help others with it. I haven’t given myself time to honor it, be with it and accept how I feel about it. Naughty Faith… again! Yes I like to think I’m Superwoman, but it’s exactly those sorts of thoughts and beliefs that meant I got ill in the first place.
These last few weeks, instead of trying to be superwoman, I have been taking super-long bubbles baths, whilst drinking super-big fresh juices out of super-large wine glasses, reading (not skimming, that I had got into the habit of doing, because I was busy) super-inspiring books and sitting in the super-sunny-sun as much as possible, just because I like do to this and for no other reason! I didn’t know where I was going to fit anything else into my calendar, it was jam packed, but clients have cancelled (which I am super grateful for), visitors have postponed (another gratitude) and I’ve simply let go of so many other so called important things that I had filled my diary up with. I feel invigorated, alive, loved, energized and inspired once more.
I share this story with you because I am a great believer that we go through what we need to teach. In fact, I have said these words to quite a few of my holistic business clients recently, the irony has not escaped me! ;0) I know some of you may be struggling with where you are right now. So, please stop fighting it, stop distracting yourself from it and stop trying to fix it! Be kind to yourself, make time for you, accept where you are, honor who you have become watch the magic unfold.
I am now feeling more me, more real and more alive than I have in a very, very long time! And with a little kindness, you can to!
With much love, Faith x
PS: Watch out for more real posts from a more real me, coming at ya very soon! x
And for anyone that never got round to watching my Self-Love Summit earlier on in the year and would like a little self-love inspiration, you can find it here.